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.Fantastic! I love this fucking place, I thought to myself.The party was in full flow, when my attention was caught by a kid who I will call Johnny, who was slightly older than me.Johnny used to hang around with the older brother of one the girls in our circle, so I’d spoken to him a few times and we shared an interest in rock and roll.“Hey, Andy!” he cried to me above the music.“You gotta come outside.I have something for you.”“Nah, I want to stay here and party,” I yelled back, reluctant to leave the girls’ kissing show.“Come on, I’ve got something very cool you’ve got to try.”He looked at me conspiratorially, so I assumed he wanted me to go outside and smoke some dope with him.I’d hung out with enough crazy GIs in Germany to recognize an invitation to smoke a spliff, or so I thought, so I followed him to the front of the club and we went into the street together.The dirty old camper van was still there, and Johnny paced straight up to it and beckoned me over.Before I knew it we were inside, where a couple of his mates had already sat down in the vehicle’s living area.There was a small amount of white powder on the surface in front of them, and then I realized: Shit, it’s cocaine.“Come on,” said Johnny.“We’re going to have some coke.”I’d done some pretty mad things during my time on the road with various bands, so I wasn’t fazed or intimidated—in fact, I was curious to discover what it would feel like.As far as drugs went, I was nineteen and still at the stage where I was willing to try anything once, except heroin, which had killed Sid Vicious and just about everyone else who had meddled with it.Heroin had been heavily demonized by a government awareness campaign, but cocaine had been glamorized by the media.Unlike heroin, cocaine seemed new and exotic, and my attitude to drugs at this point was innocent, experimental, and social.Cocaine had an image of being a rich person’s drug and there was a naive belief that it couldn’t do you much harm.Nothing could be further from the truth, although I didn’t know it at the time.“Okay, what the fuck do you have to do?” I said eagerly.I watched as they took part in the simple ceremony of rolling up a crisp banknote and using it to sniff up the powder, each of them gasping and tipping back their heads after they snorted it.It was so quiet in the van that I could hear the distant thumping of the music back in the Rum Runner.When it was my turn to roll up a banknote, it seemed as if my own heart was thumping almost as loudly.I leaned forward, quickly inhaled through one of my nostrils and then.BOOM!They say the first time you do cocaine is so intense that you’ll never experience the same thing again, and it’s true.Within seconds your teeth go numb.The second time might still be powerful but it’s not quite as heavy.The first time, you just go bang and you’re immediately overcome with a tidal wave of euphoria and a feeling of overwhelming confidence.I felt as if the whole world had suddenly speeded up and at the same time I’d won the football pools and the lottery.There was very little drug awareness.I just wanted to enjoy the great feeling, which enhanced everything, sexually and socially.Cocaine makes you feel as if nothing can stand in your way, and that was exactly how I felt, like I was riding the crest of an enormous wave at the Christmas party.You feel that everyone is there for you; it’s your party.Your mind cannot naturally be elevated to that state of euphoria, that’s the danger, and there are diminishing returns from day one, so you’ll end up paying a heavy price.But it was 1980, we’d won a record deal, and I’d just been watching three girls kissing.I didn’t hang about.I went straight back into the club to get some money to buy some more cocaine.Before I knew it I was in the camper van again and handing over £60 for a whole gram of the stuff.The rest of the night passed in a fantastic blur.I was the life and soul of the party; I felt invincible.Whenever I took cocaine everything went into Technicolor.I didn’t think twice about the fact that Al Beard’s doormen had witnessed me going back and forth to the camper van.“Everything okay, Andy?” was all they would have said as I went in and out.Al Beard would soon discover that I’d taken cocaine, but at the time I didn’t care.After all, I thought he was there to protect me.Years later, when we found ourselves at the center of a cocaine scandal, I would realize that life isn’t that simple.But that was all still in the distant future, and this was to be the first of many occasions on which I took the drug.Tabloid headlines were the last thing on my mind—all I wanted to do was party.Circumstances tend to dictate the way that cocaine affects your moods, and this was the beginning of a period that consisted of one long party.It was only much later on that my occasional cocaine use turned into regular abuse.When I got back to the little bed-and-breakfast place that night, I couldn’t sleep because of all the booze and coke, but as I lay there tossing and turning and sweating, I didn’t care.It had been a great evening and I felt indestructible.Eventually I drifted off into a stupor, unaware that a little time bomb was now ticking away and that one day cocaine would come back to bite me.I awoke on Christmas Day alone in the little B & B with a raging hangover.What a comedown! John, Roger, and Nick were all spending Christmas locally with their respective families, and Simon always had plenty of friends from University to hang around with.No one had thought to ask me round for Christmas lunch, so I ate a lonely meal and watched a bit of TV on the black-and-white portable set in my room.During the time that Duran Duran were based in Birmingham, we used to take Sundays off, and I would often find myself on my own when everyone else went off to their families.It could get very miserable and lonely.I wasn’t dating anyone by this point, and I can remember thinking that I needed to find a decent girlfriend.Still, at least it was never long until the next party [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]