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.Once home, Erik would sleep on the floor.The film said the lowest ground was the safest.But then he began to think.What if the Russians didn’t attack with the bomb? Maybe they would send troops over the Pole and through Canada to take out the Minutemen with sheer force.That’s what he would do.He would save his bombs for the cities and send troops for the missiles before anyone knew better.No one would know the troops were coming, but they would show up at their farmhouse first since they lived on the unguarded border.Low ground wouldn’t be good enough.He would have to find a place in the culverts or the coulee brush where the troops would overlook a small boy.As he finally drifted off to sleep, he would see wave after wave of soldiers crossing the fields, and Erik, undecided and unable, would never find a place to hide.The Russians would take him.It was only a matter of time.He knew it was inevitable, but he could do nothing to avoid it.The fear he felt now felt the same as after the Hay Lake Hall movies.He knew the inevitable was coming and there was nothing he could do to hide from its consequences.He didn’t know how or when the attack would be complete, but his fear bore witness that it was close and final.His fear was mixed with thoughts racing through his mind.He thought of what could have been, and what needed to be.He most feared that he would never be able to see his child from a wife he didn’t even know yet.What woman would want to marry a man who could neither see her nor provide for her? More than any other sight, he wanted to see that child.He wanted to witness the baby holding its arms out, reaching and calling for daddy, and then for him to be able to pick up the child and comfort it, and show that it was loved and needed.Erik wanted to do for a child what no one had ever done for him.That scene might not be possible now, and that reality made him sick to his stomach.He wanted his son to know his father as a complete man, not a cripple like Erik’s father had been with booze and that Erik was now.As he looked around, he strained to pick out details that he might have missed before, and that he might not have the chance to see again.He abhorred the thought that he could lose his sight.He had seen nothing so far in his life, at least nothing worthwhile.Nothing but the dirt covered land, and yet that would be all he would have to hold in his memory.He had not seen the color of waves breaking on the shores of the Pacific.He had never witnessed a fine play at a theater, or the magnificence of a skyscraper.He hated the land he now abhorred not seeing again more than ever.He had told God before he would go back to that land to make things right.Now God seemed to no longer exist.There was no reason to return.There was no reason for anything.Chapter ThirtyThe trip home had never been longer.Erik tried to notice everything that might make this ride different from the others.He wanted to see something that he had missed before so he could hold it in his memory when his eyes would no longer carrying the image.He noticed a yellow farmhouse that, unlike most, wasn’t white but had bright yellow paint covering its three floors with a large patch of trees to its left.Out front there was an old horse plow where the mailbox hung and a sign that read “The Halverson’s” There was a small ravine into which the road dipped and a stream laced its bottom.Alongside, a few birch trees lived, fed by the stream’s flow.By the highway there was a notice warning of crossing deer, but Erik had never seen deer there.He believed that sign was only put there to generate false hope, as were the pictures of the “Farmer’s Journal” wheat fields.On that trip there wasn’t enough to keep Erik from going back into his thoughts.He had always lived in those thoughts more than his surroundings and this day made it even easier.Henry continually tried to capture Erik’s attention with conversation, and several times succeeded, but only briefly.“Erik, you didn’t wait to hear all the doctor had to say.He thinks there might be a chance they’ll have good success with your eyes.If the surgery goes well you might be able to see forms out of your bad eye.”“Forms? What good will forms do me?”“He said that it would help in your depth perception.That way you wouldn’t reach for something and find it wasn’t there.”“Yeah, I know what depth perception is.I’ve lived without it for the past few weeks.But it seems to be the story of my life.I reach for something and it simply isn’t there.How many times can you do that until you realize its better not to even reach?” The realities of Erik’s remarks were too sharp for there to be a response and they simply traveled once again in silence.“Erik, are you going to have the surgery?” Henry finally tried again [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]