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.""It sounds like you're trapped in a cage," Jade muttered."Oh, our house isn't that small.We have a good size living room with a fireplace and large panel windows that face the west so there's lots of afternoon sunshine.Mother hung thick drapes to block it out when she wants to.The kitchen is big.My mother likes to cook and bake.I wouldn't call her a gourmet cook like you have, Jade, but she's good at making traditional meals and pies.That was one thing my father always complimented, her food.He was a meat and potatoes man.""So he married her for her cooking and money, is that it?" Jade asked dryly."Didn't they fall in love first?" Misty followed quickly."I never actually came out and asked either of them when or how they fell in love.I guess I never felt they had and the little I did learn about their past convinced me I was right.They didn't date and have a romance like your parents or Jade's.My mother's father actually met my father first.He started to invest with him He either mentioned my mother or introduced him to her one day and that was how they got to know each other."My mother didn't have a job and never went to college.When I asked her why not once, she told me there wasn't anything she wanted to be.She was an okay student, but not very ambitious, I guess I think it upset my grandfather.From the little my mother has told me, I don't think they had a good relationship because he was so critical of her, telling her she would be a spinster and amount to nothing if she remained at home, just helping her mother with the housework and the meals."Sometimes;-I got the feeling she got married to stop my grandfather's criticism.It wasn't exactly an arranged marriage, but my grandfather seems to have had a lot to do with it.She keeps her wedding album practically hidden away on a shelf in the living room.I used to look at it occasionally.She doesn't look bright and happy in her wedding pictures; it's more like she's going through the motions, doing something that has to be done, but something without passion and excitement.It doesn't look like a special day for her."It would have to be something very special for me," I said."I mean, you should just glow in your wedding pictures, don't you think? The photographer shouldn't even need flashbulbs because your face is so lit up, right? I'd love to be fulfilled and loved by someone who made me so happy I glowed."Misty laughed.Jade smiled and shook her head, and Star raised her eyebrows and nodded."No," I continued considering their questions more, "I don't think my parents ever felt that way about each other or had time for love, not the way you talked about your own parents and their romances," I told them."When I asked my mother where they went on their honeymoon, she told me they just went straight home."'There was plenty to do to set it up,' she said,'and there was no point in wasting money on some overpriced vacation where they charge you twice the price for everything you can get at home.' ""If she thinks like that, she'll never go anywhere," Jade said."She doesn't.Don't you remember what Cat told us about taking trips?" Star pointed out."Have you lived in the same house all your life?" Misty asked."Yes.My mother is not one who likes change, even small changes like wallpaper or rugs, much less a move to another house.Lots of times now, I wish we would move.The house seems stained with bad memories for me, and as long as we're there, I can't help but imagine my father is still there.""Did you ever ask her why they adopted you?"Jade asked."I know you told us that you didn't think they had sex much, if at all after your mother lost the baby, but it still doesn't explain why they would adopt you, or anyone for that matter.""No.Like I told you, my adoption was something I discovered just recently, after.after other stuff happened.It's hard for my mother to talk about it right now.""Hard for her to talk about it?" Jade cried with indignation."They always act like they're the ones who are suffering, like we can endure the pain because we're young.Nothing scars us; nothing really hurts us.We'll outgrow it, even betrayals and broken promises.Hard for her? Your mother hasn't got a right to be more upset than you.Don't let her get away with it," she advised."Ask her anything you want and insist on an answer.You deserve it.""Yeah, if she refuses to tell you what you want, threaten to wear lipstick and eye shadow," Star suggested.Misty laughed and I smiled, and we were all laughing when Doctor Marlowe returned.She looked very pleased."Well, I hope you all are hungry.As usual, Emma has gone overboard with lunch."They all looked at me to see what I wanted and what I would say."I guess I am hungry," I said.Anyway, I thought, I'll need my strength if I'm to go on with my story.Lunch was truly a break for us I think they needed it as much as I did.We talked about everything but our home life and our parents and the things that had brought us here in the first place.However, I wasn't anywhere as up-to-date as any of them when it came to movies and music."I don't know how you listen to that hip-hop,"Jade told Star."It's so monotonous.""It is not.You haven't given it a chance.That's why you say that.Who do you like?""I like Barry Manilow," Misty admitted."I do,"she insisted, "and I've even been to three of his concerts.""What about you, Cat?" Jade asked me."I guess I like everything or whatever I get to hear, that is.My mother hates me listening to any music too long.She thinks it hurts my schoolwork.""Get earphones and she won't even know when you're listening," Star suggested.Doctor Marlowe sat off to the right eating and listening to us without comment.I wondered if the others ever got the feeling we were all under some giant microscope, all being observed and studied.Maybe someday we would get together somewhere else, without therapists or parents, and be free to talk about all this, free to talk without anyone looking at us and studying us.Or maybe when today ended, we wouldn't see each other ever again.Maybe just the sight of one of us would bring back all the bad memories and they would look for ways to avoid the rest of us, especially me, I thought, especially after I'm finished with my whole story.I almost didn't feel like going on when lunch was over and we returned to the office.Why not leave it at this? I wondered.I had already gone further than I had expected [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]