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.Then what will you do?"I looked up at Gage and felt the tears sliding down my cheeks."I don't fucking know.I'm a mess and I know you’re right.I need to let Larkin in, I love him.But giving him all the power to ruin me is hard.""Part of love is trust babe, you have to trust him not to hurt you."Gage was right, but it was easy for him to say.He had never lost a child at the hands of somebody else.He had never had to fight for his life.He had never been in a relationship like I had with Jacob.CHAPTER 12I was still in Gage's arms when Larkin walked in."Hey, baby.Sorry I didn't come straight here.I wanted to get a shower and cleaned up first."I let go of Gage and looked at Larkin.In Gage's arm, I felt safe and comfortable, but with Larkin, I felt free and wild.He was my unsure, my unknown.He scared the shit out of me.I needed more time.Just a little more time."It's cool.I figured we could just eat dinner and chill here tonight.I need to start looking through all my books before classes start.This semester is going to kill me."I spent the evening with Gage and Larkin, listening to them talk back and forth while I attempted to read.It really wasn't a lie.I did need to start looking over things before walking in the first day and having no idea what was going on.Being a double major was no easy task.Toss in a new boyfriend, crazy friends, and the lack of study ethic, and I was screwed.No matter what, I would get this for me, for my future.This is something I had to do for me, no one else, but myself.Succeeding with college was something I never imagined just a few years ago, I had come a long way since then and grown so much as a person, failure was not an option for me, no matter what."Whatcha thinkin 'bout over there.Looks serious," Larkin asked catching my attention."Ah nothing, just thinking about school." I shrugged and looked up to see Larkin and Gage watching me.I could see in Gage's eyes he knew I was lying.He slightly shook his head before standing."I think I'm going to go to bed, could ya'll keep it down tonight or maybe go to your place? I need some damn sleep without hearing my girl screaming or her bed banging the wall."I felt my cheeks heat as I dropped my gaze back to my book.Larkin snickered, "I can't help I have the dick of God."Gage flipped Larkin off before leaning down and kissing the top of my head."Night, babe.""Night." I watched as Gage’s feet as he walked away.When I heard his bedroom door open, I brought my head up to see him standing in his doorway watching me.He looked pained to be leaving me.When he caught me looking, he mouthed 'love you' before turning and closing his door.Something was going on with him, and I needed to find out what.We hadn't had any time alone in a while.Maybe we needed a Gage and Jenna night soon."Baby, what's going through that pretty little head of yours?" Well damn, maybe Larkin knew me better than I thought."Just thinking."Larkin eyed me suspiciously."About?""Honestly, us.Our relationship.""Ok, and how are you feeling?" Larkin asked.I shrugged and said, "I'm not there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday."Larkin gave me a small smile."I can't promise that I can fix all your problems but I can promise that I will be beside you, helping you face them.Trust me I know from my own fucked up life that you have to struggle through some bad days to have some of the best days of your life, that’s what you give me.Some of my best days are because of you.""I don't want you to have to face my demons, if you had any idea about my past you would turn and run.I'm damaged and I'm screwed up.One day you're going to realize just how fucked up I am and leave me.That's what I'm preparing myself for."Larkin pulled me into his lap, kissing my cheek and said, "I have my own fucking demons that could make yours look like damn saints.Anyone can fucking give up, it’s so damn easy sometimes to just say fuck it but it’s those times we really need to hold it together and push forward whenever other assholes are waiting to see us fail, show the world how fucking strong we are.Our lives haven't been easy and maybe that’s why we're together.Maybe because we're both so fucked up that we're perfect for each other.”I laid my head on his chest, kissing just between his two pectorals."You have no idea how fucked up I really am.There have been so many times I wanted to say screw it and give up everything.My life, my family, my friends.But I won't let my past control me.I don't need anyone to save me, I need to save myself."Larkin said, "You're right.We can't save each other, we need to save ourselves but that doesn't mean we can't be there helping each other [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]